From our pal James Watt at BrewDog:
Seasons Greetings, Mr Trump.
My name is James Watt, co-founder of BrewDog, the fastest growing craft brewery in the United Kingdom (it’s the one on right-hand side of the Atlantic, where we all have tea with the Queen).
Anyway, to help BrewDog grow, back in the day we pioneered a revolutionary crowdfunding scheme called Equity For Punks, whereby beer fans from all over the world were granted the ability to invest in our company.
So far, over 35,000 of them have helped us take on bland, industrial beer – I imagine you may be familiar with that – and we now ship to 56 countries, employ more than 400 people, and operate amazing BrewDog craft beer bars on four continents (there are seven in total, Donald).
If you’re reading this and liking it so far, then I’ve got some great news.
You are our newest Equity Punk.
You see Donald, although I admire people in the world of business who are uncompromising in their ambition, all this Presidential stuff is nonsensical. To quote a great countryman of yours – you cannot be serious?
Building a massive wall to keep everyone out? Opposing same sex marriage? Insulting the disabled? Calling immigrants criminals and rapists?!
Your ideas are as misplaced as your hair, sir.
So you may well be wondering how – and why – you are our newest Equity Punk. The first of those is easy. We have made it simpler than ever to give the gift of BrewDog shares at Christmas.
You do believe in Christmas, don’t you – sitting there at the top of your Tower, which is probably not at all compensating for something?
You see, Christmas is a time for peace and goodwill to your fellow man. I am making the gift of two Equity for Punks shares to you with a single aim in mind – that it will spark a desire in you to get back into business (locking yourself in your office, if necessary).
In turn hopefully you will give a gift to the rest of humanity – that you will stop trying to become leader of the free world. Please. Then we can all get on with our lives in that world filled with life, liberty and the pursuit of hoppiness.
Merry Christmas,
James
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